He was dozing in and out of consciousness in his backyard hammock one afternoon, drinking some iced tea and breathing in the hot thick air. He lazily swatted at a fly buzzing around his face, the slight annoyance making him feel jittery for some reason... He couldn't quite put his finger on it. He kicked off his flip flops, one of them knocking over a yard flamingo and attempted to doze off again.
That's when She appeared out of nowhere. She stormed in through the front door with the key she knew was under the mat waiting for her, and propped the door open. To add insult to injury, she pleasurably let a chilly wind blow in behind her.
The commotion caused Him to get tangled in the hammock, scrambling to get back to the house. He came rushing in from the back door yelling, "Oy! What gives??" and slowly paled when he saw who it was. "Ooooh no. Not this time doll! You saw what happened last March when I took over the joint. Do you really want to relive that little humiliation of yours all over again?"
Her cheeks grew a scarlet red and her eyes flashed. He observed several leaves falling outside through his living room window. She began to stalk towards him. "You've gotten pudgy!" She exclaimed, nursing her injured pride by dishing some back. "What happened to that Romanesque figure? It's been a hard life with all that lazing around, yes?? Eating all that ice cream? Napping by poolside? You'll need a rest from all that rest! " With each exclamation segments of the bushes outside were stripped of their green and replaced with the identical color of her heated cheeks against her very pale face.
He rubbed his bare, chubby arms. "What's it to you? You never stick around when 'Big Daddy' comes back! Can't handle the heat, eh?. Where do you go and hide, princess? Just who do you think you are?? You know the kids like me more than you anyway, you cold-hearted witch! You can't just come in here uninvited!" He was gibbering by now, nervously trying to humiliate without provocation and clutching at any hope in which She might be too ashamed to do what she came to do. He wasn't doing a very good job of it, because with each insult the temperature dropped several degrees.
She straightened to Her full height, which was reasonably tall especially with her austere bun piled high on top of Her head. She replied with a snap as she straightened her jacket. "It doesn't matter who they like. I'm taking them anyway! They need to be at school getting their education, not playing outside all day!" She shuddered, more at the thought than at the decreasing temperature.
He was thinking fast, and desperately. He glanced at her, and noticed She was looking more and more at home with each leaf that fell and each flower that died. Then the window caught the corner of his eye. He shoved Her aside and stomped to His wide open front door. "What the hell are you doing to my yard?!?"
A gale of wind forcefully knocked Him on his back. Furiously, He tripped her and pretty soon they were scrambling about the room, kicking and shoving, throwing punches and scratching. The wind surged against the house, rattling the windows threateningly. They fought on and on, more and more dangerously, too enraged to hear the mournful siren from somewhere in town; too absorbed in the great fight to pay attention to the booming thunder that literally shook the entire house. Trees were being uprooted here and there, one particularly large one happened to fall smartly on His car causing the alarm to go off. The sound competed to be heard through the deadly storm.
He fought courageously, but He was no match. He had gotten out of shape during the last 6 months and 'fighting' Her was almost humorous. She was there to kill. Desperately, He hit her on the head with a poker he grabbed from the now roaring fire, causing Her to stumble back and bolted out the door.
The ground was blanketed in snow, and the trees were mournfully bare. Not a single lovely bird was singing, not a single annoying insect rushed to get inside. He heard some jingling and searched hopefully for the ice cream truck, but was disappointed to see it was a sleigh with bells coming down the neighboring hill. He limped down the pathway without making foot prints. He knew He had been defeated.
To be continued...
